I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
