he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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