the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
