They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
