All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
