I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
