Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
