I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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