I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
