You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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