So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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