Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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