chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
