I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
