No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
