Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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