Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
