omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
