I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
MIDGETS
????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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