I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She said her name was "party"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
