Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Less talking, more tequila
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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