I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
