Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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