Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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