I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
