6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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