If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's always time for handjobs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
