I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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