Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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