i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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