Your mouth is God's brothel.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
