Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
