is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
