Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
