i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
