I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
