Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
