he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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