Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
