are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
