I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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