Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
