you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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