So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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