Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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