hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
