Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
