I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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