from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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