My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
