Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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