he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
