He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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