Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
