I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize