if i can run in heels then i can drive
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
