im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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