They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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