He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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