He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
