I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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