I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Less talking, more tequila
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I deserve this hangover.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
