Got a toothbrush?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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