M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
