Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
even my farts smell like vagina
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
