I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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