I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
