Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He has the fingertips of a God
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