Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
