Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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