Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
