first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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