I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
