So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
