based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
