i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
