My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
