It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
dude. I can hear the air.
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