OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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